Eric Holter's Newfangled Blog

The Story of Edmund Pixellinili

January 18, 2008 at 10:38 am by Eric

Since I'm feeling nostalgic I might as well post the back story of Edmund Pixellini. This story was a part of our website way back when (in fact, I retrieved the text and images off of the Way Back Machine). Believe it or not, we received many comments and emails about this story, some people even believed it!

1882 Deep within the Belgian Congo.

In 1895, Newfangled Web Factory opened the first pixel foundry in the United States. Its creation heralded a world wide technological boom that began in the most unlikely of places...

In the summer of 1882, a small band of fortune seekers, led by Edmund Pixellini, set off to the African continent in search of diamonds and adventure. Although they found no diamonds, what they found instead led to an incredible technological breakthrough.

¶ Edmund Pixellini, a life long treasure-hunter and adventurer, had heard of the fabled diamond deposits to be found in the African interior. By early 1882, he had chartered a ship, hired a crew, and set sail for Point Noirre, Africa. ¶ Trekking deep into the jungle, he and his cohorts searched for months for the diamonds but to no avail. Within days of giving up the search, they unearthed the first find of raw pixels. ¶ These rare stones were so bright and colorful that they seemed to radiate light.

The "pixel," as it was named by its discoverer, weighed so little that the lightest breeze could hold small particles suspended in air for several minutes. ¶ Driven by an entrepreneurial vision equal to adventuresome spirit, Pixellini soon grasped the scientific and technological significance of his discovery. Upon his return, he immediately began to experiment with the unique properties of the pixel and soon the first computer system was born. His success came quickly and easily and, within a decade, a new form of communication was born.

With the discovery of the pixel, a new form of communication was born. By taking advantage of the pixel's natural luminosity and low density, inventors were able to find ways of moving pixels to and from one OSU (opti-screen unit, an early predecessor to the computer) to another. By serving pixels across networks of tubing, an OSU could communicate visual information over considerable distance. Of course, the earliest prototypes where limited in range and very slow, but the potential was clear to all.

¶ The key to controlling the flow of pixels was in air pressure. Too much air current and pixels would get jumbled and misdirected, too little current and they would not reach the intended OSU. Air compressors began with simple bellows fitted with filters and air resistors. Soon "virtual lung" systems would provide much more control and power. The demand for pixels and matrixes which displayed them soared. Newfangled Graphics foresaw this demand and the first industrial pixel foundry went online in 1892.

Newfangled Web Factory uses the latest in web fabrication machinery. Our fabrication process begins with Franklin Trucking and Post teamsters delivering the raw pixels to our pixel foundry. The raw pixels are sorted, then prepared for use by one of our three industrial strength web forges. Our foundry is capable of processing ten truck loads of raw pixels per day! We use only the finest imported pixels, excavated from quarries in Pointe Noire, Congo. From the foundry, it's off to the pixel engraving studio, where our talented young designers and engravers prepare each graphic before it is sent to the HTML assembly line.

¶ The factory assembly line is where our web sites finally come to life. Here you see an average day on our factory floor where experienced HTML craftsmen oversee workmen setting web pages, pixel by pixel, to be assembled into complete web sites. ¶ Of course, before leaving the factory, our inspectors check each page and link for defects to make sure every page meets our high standards for quality and craftsmanship. Defective pages are returned to the foundry where they are melted down for their raw materials. ¶ All our employees enjoy a light 84 hour work week with two generous fifteen minute breaks each day! In addition, they are offered factory housing and convenient shopping at the factory store. We are one big web building community.

Tags: history themesong pixel

Comments

Justin	January 18, 2008 11:41 AM I love this story! Glad to see it back (even if it's only on a blog). I've had more than one client tell me they miss the old story of Edmund (and our old fashioned bio photos).
Chris	January 18, 2008 1:37 PM The factory floor photo definitely captures the vibe of the workplace. Didn't Upton Sinclair have something to say about that...? Just kidding, I love working here.